Wedding jitters

I’m getting married this weekend. I KNOW, RIGHT?

I won’t lie – I’m a bit nervous. Don’t mistake that for cold feet – I’m not having doubts, that’s a different thing altogether. I’m just nervous.

It’s a strange thing to be nervous about, though, considering the occasion. We’re surrounding ourselves with our loved ones, friends and family who have seen us evolve over 30 years and know us better than perhaps we know ourselves.

Then we’re taking those 130 people and putting them in a fabulous medieval barn in Dorset, where they’ll see us married, before being fed food and copious amounts of booze – and asked nothing of, but to dance like pillocks for six hours.

We’ve called in favours: my sister-in-law is our photographer; my other brother’s wife has painted all the place names; Swarana’s brother and three friends are DJing; our friend Tabbs is sorting the flowers; JQ is bringing the PA; our housemate Amy designed the invites and painted the road sign; my excellent friend Kat has offered to do Swarana’s hair; the list goes on and on.

Socialist wedding

339482_10151921451115099_1960341271_oIt really has been astonishing. From the best men to distant cousins, the contributions have been both generous and crucial to our ability to throw this party. Not to mention the handsome donations from the mother and father of the bride, to whom we are most grateful.

Yet, with all these gifts and assistance, I remain worried. How can that be? you ask, inaudibly.

Truth be told: I’m not terribly good in front of people. My friends will all baulk at the idea that I’m shy, but that’s because I love them and can readily be myself in front of them. But standing in front of people – lots of people, all eyes on me – that’s something else. Let alone dancing with my wife-to-be, alone on the dance floor – watched.

“All my pretty chickens…”

People will amiably remind me of my thespian past, acting on the stage in front of hundreds (on a good night). But pretending to be Macduff on stage, the audience obscured by banks of spotlights, is not the same as being Tim, standing in the absence of that blinding freedom, with every face of the audience clear and discernable.

Swarana is not exactly a showman either. She hears the same assumption from her friends: Swarana can’t possibly be shy, she’s so friendly and chatty and welcoming. Well, yes, she is… but she’s like that when she feels safe. She feels safe in the company of her friends. Ergo, she’s not shy with friends.

So, my speech (and the speeches of my best men), I’m nervous about; the dance, I’m nervous about; everyone having a good time, I’m nervous about; the weather! Who fucking knows how that will turn out?

Anxiety abounds! But, despite all that apprehension, I realised the one thing I’m not nervous about is actually marrying Swarana. That bit, at least, will be a walk in the park.

12 thoughts on “Wedding jitters”

  1. Congratulations. Nerves are inevitable, but it really will be one of the best days of your life; it may well be equalled, never surpassed.
    Take plenty of photos so you can laugh at how old fashioned you look in fifty years time!
    I wish you both a long and happy life together.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t be nervous pal. Being a man of literal clout, I’m sure you’ll have heard these age old words of reassurance before. However, I will repeat them regardless for amongst the flowery language and similie – comfort can be found. Ahem:

    ‘U got it down son.’

    ‘It ain’t nuffin’ muffin.’

    Yes, I think you’ll agree that those are very moving words.

    In all seriously though, as a friend who has walked the same path you’re about to; I was nervous about all sorts of stuff that – at the time – seemed worthy of the knot in my stomach. The speech, the dance, people enjoying themselves – same as you.

    Let me take them one by one – ‘cos you got time, you’re only getting married in a couple of days.

    The speech. You’re like totally shit-hot wiv words right? You’ll be funny, touching and astute. I’ve got no doubts. And if you make a mistake? It’ll be fine. I made a mistake in mine of accidentally calling my godson my grandson. CLANGER. But all that boo boo did was create another moment in the day that everyone enjoyed – including me. So basically – the mistakes, if made, don’t detract – they only add to the moment.

    The dance. Bricking it. I didn’t want to do it and Danni even less so. But if you’re shy like us all you do is (sorry about the imminent mushiness) play the music, and hang onto to each other as the room spins round you. I suppose it’s kind of a metaphor for what you do in life.

    People having fun? I was nervous about the same thing. I don’t really know how to say this. Just don’t worry about that. (Wow Dave, how perspective of you). But what I mean is exactly what you’ve already said yourself. You’ve invited your loved ones to a day where the whole purpose is essentially to celebrate you two getting hitched. People love celebrating good things happening. Add the fact that there’s going to be laughter, tears, dancing, booze, food, ambiance and loads of other GOOD STUFF; and the result is a day with something for everyone. Hell, I’m driving – so no booze for me; but I’ve still got laughter, still got tears, and food. And a barn. I LOVE a barn, me.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. One piece of advice that I can offer is not to let Nias buy you a shot of tequila about half an hour before you get married.

    Have a great one, pal. Wish I could be there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The numbers may be a bit bigger than a normal swimber soiree but everyone there will be on your side wishing you both all the best on Sunday and for your future together.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s