Tag Archives: Hell

Published! My first short story now available, in The Infernal Clock

I am very excited (and nervous) to announce the first publication of one my short stories. My brain is a little all over the place, truth be told. I am as much daunted by the prospect as I am over the moon.

Here, let me pour out my mind soup, so you can see what’s going on:

I HAVE FINALLY ACHIEVED STARDOM – THE MUSE HAS SWEPT ME UP AND DELIVERED ME UNTO THE ANNALS OF HISTORY AS THE WORLD’S GREATEST WRITER – ummmm, steady on, what if my story’s shit? What if – actually – the first thing I’ve published is a steaming turd? – NO, IT IS A GREAT ACHIEVEMENT – oh shit oh shit oh shit – GO FORTH AND BE MERRY, FOR THIS MONUMENTOUS OCCASION NO DOUBT HERALDS FURTHER SUCCESS – every single literate English-speaking human has read it and they know my picture and they think I’m a total muppet and they’re laughing at my stupid face behind my back – IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LAUGH AT SOMEONE’S FACE BEHIND THEIR BACK – oh God! What if my story is riddled with incongruous metaphors? IT IS A GOOD STORY, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, GIVE IT A REST – I will not give it a rest, it’s called humility and doubt, you overbearing prat, maybe I should just not tell anyone – NO, WRITE A BLOG POST AND SHARE IT ON FACEBOOK – but then people might read it – THAT WAS THE POINT, WASN’T IT? – I don’t know! – GROW UP – Oh shit oh shit oh shit…

Oops, let me just close the old noggin there.

I’m erring towards Mr Shouty Brain, though – after all, I did write to be read, so I really ought to tell people when I have written something, right? So I’ll post this, and then go and hide in the pub for three hours.

So! On with the self promotion…

Continue reading Published! My first short story now available, in The Infernal Clock

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Fiction is hell

Fiction is hell.

Not one word will seep from my pitiful brain on to this accursed page. I don’t have a single idea worth the spirit-sapping monotony of 12pt Courier. My paragraphs are formatted to double-spaced lines, but you couldn’t tell – you’d need two lines.

Utter dejection.

It was all going so well. I’d read about creative writing; I even did a course.

Back then I was happy, naïve. Everything seemed sprinkled with potential; every real-life encounter manifested an event to be mastered; in every sunrise shone the promise of perfect prose.

Continue reading Fiction is hell

Good-Pai! Pai Pai Thailand! Pai!

I’m sorry gang, but I’m just not a terribly big fan of Thailand.

Monks in Chiang Mai
So intense

Yes, Thailand has my favourite food – spicy, zest-filled freshness bursting with flavour – and arguably some of the best island beaches, lapped by crystal waters teeming with aquatic life. That is certainly true.

And on occasion it holds a natural beauty that is hard to replicate. For instance, you might snap a shot of three young monks looking at a double rainbow, for instance. Pure, travelling gold.

Alas, I’m afraid to say Thailand has been overrun by a scourge that affects nearly every corner of its land: namely, twats.

Continue reading Good-Pai! Pai Pai Thailand! Pai!

Don’t waste your Tim

Long tail boat
A boat moored by the beach at Cabana Phangan Resort

We spent another few days on Kho Phangan after new year’s, hiring mopeds to seek secluded beach coves and jungle-covered waterfalls, and eating at a tremendous restaurant a short walk down the road from Phangan Cabana Resort (about which Carmella, in her inimitable manner, declared she would “Trip Advise the fuck out of this place”).

I’d heard cautionary tales of Koh Phangan, of raucous parties and corrupt police, overpopulated beaches and drunks at every turn, but I had enjoyed the place immensely, so it was with optimism and excitement that we packed and left for our next destination – the neighbouring island of Koh Samui.

We had done pitifully little research before we embarked just after Christmas, so were blissfully unaware of the unthinkable horrors that this island held in store for us. Continue reading Don’t waste your Tim